Just another stupid day
by darkmoon443556
Summary: House, seeing patients, being mean to patients. Wanting to be watching general hospital. Having a hangover.Eventualy getting suspended from patient complaints.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not making any money off of it.

Dr. Gregory House woke up with a severe headache.

"Shit," he muttered, his head feeling peculiarly like a peace off iron banged a couple too many times.

He grabbed his wooden cane, which was leaning against his bed and staggered into the kitchen. Ignoring the growing pile of dishes that he had ignored for several days now, he got out a cup and pored himself some coffee. Plopping himself down in a chair, he drained the coffee black, and pored himself another cup. He really shouldn't have drunken all that scotch last night, but he had been so bored. He would make the same mistake again, so no worry.

Three cups of coffee later, House finally got up and dressed. His hangover had subsided to a dull throb. Popping a vicodin, he put on his gym shoes and coat, got out of his apartment and onto his motorcycle, and drove to work.

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Two hours later House was sitting in exam room 2, eating a chocolate bar, and watching general hospital. An ugly, frizzy-haired woman was just begging a handsome doctor to marry her when the door opened, and Cuddy walked in.

"Why do you do this?" She asked, looking extremely exasperated.

"I like chocolate," House replied, looking very innocent, gesturing towards the TV screen, "And general hospital."

"You're supposed to be seeing patients right now."

"And as a result of some fortunate miscommunication, I am not seeing patients right now, nor am I planning to do so in the near future." House fired back at his boss.

"I don't care what you were planning on doing; you are going to see patients." Cuddy ordered, and held the door open for House as he put away his little TV and dejectedly limped through it.

Cuddy really had gotten agitated lately. Ooooooo, something bad must have gone on in her private life. Maybe her boyfriend dumped her. He would have to find out. Maybe try braking into her house again. House just _loved_ puzzles.

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"My leg hurts," complained the patient.

"Yeah, I think I could have figured that out, since you are in a clinic," House said sarcastically, "It was quite obvious that it is your leg by the way you are limping, so basically, saying that was a complete waste of precious time that could have been spent watching General Hospital."

"Yesterday, I was going to take the buss home from work," persisted the brown haired, 30 year old male whose leg was hurting, "But then I missed it and had to walk, because the bus only comes every half-hour. So, I was walking back home, but I got thirsty, and went into a Starbucks, got a latte, and kept on walking. But then, with the latte in my hand I didn't have the best of balance so I…"

"So you were born when?" House rudely interrupted.

"What?"

"If you're going to tell me your life story, you might as well start from when you were born. Or when your parents had a rough round of sex and ended up with a little baby kicking around in your mother's uterus. Basically, just tell me what happened in lets see…five words."

"I…tripped...going…down…steps." The patient said deliberately, "But I don't know…" He was there cut off by House.

"There, that's enough. You told me what happened. Now show me the leg."

There was a long cut that was barely bleeding going down the stupid ever-talking patient's leg.

House walked closer to get a better look at it. But he slipped, and, to keep himself from falling, grabbed the patient's bad leg, in the exact place the cut was.

"Owwwwwwwwwww" screamed the patient, "you're killing me."

"Owww," House winced, "Please stop yelling; it hurts my head."

It took quite a while to get the patient to calm down. After a bribe of twenty bucks not to complain to anyone about him, and a vicodin for both of them, House finally came to the solution.

"Here, I think I know the perfect thing for your leg. They're cheep, legal, and an odd combination of plastic, gauze, and some sort of sticky stuff." Pausing for dramatic effect, House put on an expression of sheer wonder, before he turned it into a sarcastic 'you are so pathetic' look. "A couple of Band-Aids."

The patient finally left and House, with a sigh went on to see the next boring old patient waiting to have their dreadfully painful swollen big toe looked at.

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AN: Hoped you liked it. I'm going to try and make the other chapters funnier. This was a bit of a slow start. Review please.


	2. Hate all patients

**Hate all Patients**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Don't make any money.

I t was lunch time and House's day hadn't gotten at all better. His last two patients had pissed him off so much that he had ended up tossing the second one a vicodin (It was a mysterious case of a pulled mussel) and shoving him out of the room. Finally, lunch had come. He was now sitting with Wilson eating a sandwich that he had manipulated Wilson into paying for. That little bit of meanness had made him feel slightly better. Chase walked over to him.

"We have a case," He said in his annoying Australian accent, "thirty-one year old female, sudden onset of…"

"Stop it," House interrupted.

"What?"

"That ridiculous accent. It makes me want to strangle you. You British people just don't know when to shut up."

"I'm not British, I'm Australian."

"Whatever. It would annoy you if I started talking in a fake Spanish accent." House started talking in a ridiculously fake Spanish accent, "Doctor Chase, I think we have a case."

Chase walked away, forgetting that taking all the ridicule was a big part of his job. In fact, the main part of his job, since he wasn't quite smart enough to do anything else. Well, not compared to House.

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Lunch was over and House had to see those dreadful maggots called patients again. This time there was a five year old girl that had stuck a bean in her ear and couldn't get it out.

"Why did she stick the bean in her ear in the first place?" House asked a frantic mother.

"Well, she was watching a magic show this morning and one of the tricks was pulling stuff out of people's ears. She must have stuck something in her ear so that she would be able to show people how she could pull it out."

House was having a very hard time doing anything at this point, because the stupid inanimate little girl was fidgeting and squealing. He remembered a trick a mobster once taught him in a similar situation.

"Stop it or I'll break your ear off!" He shouted at her. The girl stopped moving, shocked. He glanced at the just as shocked mom. "The trick is believing that you actually will do it." He said, quoting the Mobster.

Now he had to get the stupid damn bean out. First he got some pliers, but after about ten minutes of trying, gave up. Then he tried to pry it out with a tooth-pick, but that idea failed also. Finally he grabbed a straw out of his desk. Sticking it into the little girl's ear he used the suction to loosen the bean enough so that he could pry it out.

"Keep the kid away from magic shows until she's old enough to understand that when they tell people not to try it at home, they actually mean it." House told the mom as he shoved them out the door.

Damn, he hated patients.

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The next patient was a woman with a runny nose and a sore neck.

"You have a runny nose and a sore neck." House said.

"Are you sure it's not meningitis? There was someone at my work who got meningitis. I could have gotten it from her. It's contagious. " The annoying patient whined.

"I know. I actually am a doctor and went to medical school."

"But meningitis also has a hurting neck and runny nose, and I've been feeling a bit off lately." The woman hung her head a little. "And I missed work yesterday and I need a note saying I had meningitis or I'll be fired.

"Ahh, I get it. You could have just said that in the first place, instead of arguing with me about meningitis." He wrote a note. "Make sure not to go back to work for a couple more days, though, as meningitis doesn't come and go that quickly.

"Thanks," said the woman, and walked out of the door.

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Cameron walked in just as House was finishing telling a little boy that he had the chicken pox.

"We have a case. Thirty-one year old woman, sudden onset of…"

"Shut up."

"What?"

"Shut up. I'm with a patient."

"So what, you hate patients."

"But I am going to get fired if I don't do quite a few more clinic hours this week. I care about my job much more then I care about some thirty-one year old's life.

Cameron glared at him before stalking out of the room.

House looked at the boy. "So, what was I saying?"

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AN: Hope u liked it. Next chapter House is going to see the thirty-one year old female because he decides that he cares about his boredom more then his job.


	3. kill all patients

Chapter #3- kill all patients

Disclaimer: I own nothing, despite how much I wish I did own _something_. 

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The man was trying to pull his damn finger off.

"I can't…get…my ring…off," he panted. "I think you might have to saw it off the thing off. My wife will be so mad at me!"

"Actually, I think I have a much better solution," House drawled, trying and failing to suppress a yawn, "Stop Trying! You don't even have a ring on your finger."

"But that white line around my finger…that's gotta be a ring!" The man protested.

"Ooooops, I guess this makes my diagnosis a bit more expensive," House looked to be half-asleep, "You need glasses! You are trying to pull a tan line off your finger. My guess is that your real ring fell off in the shower a little while ago. My condolences when explaining this to your wife."

When the patient made no move to leave, House continued, "You need an ophthalmologist, and that's not me." The patient still didn't move, so House left him, limping out of the room so fast that it looked more like it really was: fleeing. 

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House's next patients were a family. A mom, a newborn, a two-year-old boy, and a three-year-old boy. It looked horrible. That woman really had to stop having so many damn kids. Maybe all she really needed was a doctors encouraging advice.

"You know, I think that you should start practicing safe sex or get on the pill. Or you could just smother them right when they're born, make it look like a stillbirth." The mom stared at him, eyes wide. "As for the toddlers, well, you could pretend that you forgot them, leave them in the car, and starve them to death." The mom's mouth dropped open.

"Get…away…from my…angles," She stammered.

Ooooooops, he never had been very good at the kind, encouraging sort of advice. The patients just always took it the wronge way. Ah, well. He would give it one last try.

"Angles of death, maybe, but not of much else. You know, if the world gets too overpopulated, some big killer virus is gonna come out and kill us all."

She started to growl "Get…out…of…here…and…get…me…a…different… doctor."

"Oooooooo, I think I touched a nerve," House muttered, limping quickly out of the room. "I still don't see why she _wouldn't_ want to kill the little boogers."

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These patients were really horrible, House thought. He wasn't sure if he could take many more of them. Well, without going insane. He really hated them. Really, really, really, hated them very very much.

"Gosh, screw my job, I'm going to see the thirty-one-year-old female and hope she's slightly more interesting.  
In defiance, while walking by Cuddy's office he opened the door and yelled in, feeling sort-of drunk; "Give me interesting work, or give me the boot!"

Cuddy just stared at him, thinking that he had drunk too much scotch while trying to keep his mind off his patients. Which was, in fact, completely plausible. 

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AN: Sorry it really short chapter, but me hopes U likeee. And that yous all review. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssseeeeee?


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